End Of Watch

It is as though you are watching an extended version of Police, Camera Action with a little of The Thin Blue Line thrown in for a comedic twist (obviously not as a good as The Thin Blue Line, but a couple of genuine Laugh Out Loud moments) with the copycat autuership of Crash to try and Hollywoodize it under the guise of being too artistic for Hollywood and therefore bordering the line of an alternative indy flick… utter bollocks.

It could be argued (and probably successfully) that this film is as pointless as Crash and that was an extremely pointless film.  Yes there is an attempt at some flimsy plot about gangs, but before you even watched it you know its set in South East LA and therefore it will be about gangs. The ending is predictable and gratuitously cashes in on emotions.

The cast did spend 5 months with the LAPD which has resulted in it virtually being a documentary, so why not just make a documentary? Oh yeah it wouldn’t make loads of money and be in the running for Oscars.

The only good bit of acting was when the cop car runs into the back of the van and the expression and reaction by the actors is Oscar worthy… you know why?  Because it happened for real and wasn’t in the “script”. 

Go watch if you like annoying girls that make you want to grind your teeth, guns and films that are redundant.

Stitches

Imagine if Judd Apatow met Stephen King in a pub in Ireland had one too many Guinness’s and decided right there and then to begin shooting a film casting the local school children , with the obvious result of an hilarious devilishly black comedy, then you’ve got a slight inkling of what you are in for in this movie.

WARNING do NOT watch if you are afraid of clowns, especially nasty old swearing ones.  This film was gruesome, with some of the best grisly bits done practically rather than with CGI, which makes a refreshing change but also makes even worse to watch. 

Expect to be hiding behind your hands one minute and be laughing, quite literally, out loud the next.

It was shown in 140 cinemas across the country simultaneously on Thursday night with a live Q&A with the director and Ross Noble shown afterwards, which was just as entertaining as the film.  It is not being shown at many cinemas now but is out on DVD in February.  If you like eyeballs on umbrellas, the phrase “ya bastard” and laughing then this deffo one you have to get on DVD.

Looper

Looper is…bizarre…is it a parody or a distorted tribute of many many films? The amalgamation is not so intriguing and attention grabbing but more confusing and baffling.  Watch out for nods to Die Hard, Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction and X-Men.  One is an extremely blatant “Yippee Ki-yay Mother F***ers”!  There are also some amazing nods to old martial art films where the only acting done between bouts is purely done with eye expressions.

The story itself is not hard to follow no matter what you are told, for a “time-travel” film it is quite spoon-fed but the actual point of it is what is hard to follow.  It's a film of two very different halves one of time travel and one about mutants.  Or may be it is a very drawn out advert for the booty frog? Every woman should have one! 

Perhaps am getting old but this film shouldn’t be a 15, it leads me to thinking that the only way a film is rated an 18 nowadays is if it actual has a fully excited full frontal of a man!  That was the only thing that was missing from this film… quite surprising as they managed to cram everything else in, whilst at the same time making it have a drawn out feel.  Although during the slower sections you have time to wonder about Joseph Gorden-Levitt and how much they managed to change him.  Your sat there thinking your not Tommy…bring back Tommy, but at the same time his nose is just so intriguing you cannot look at anything else.  Is it plasticine? Is it make up? Is it CGI?  Whatever it is it looks as out of place on his face as his blue eyes.  However if you don’t think of Tommy they’ve done an amazing job of making him a young Bruce Willis, with the obligatory montage in case you haven’t actually quite got that connection.

To be honest the second half is the best half, as the cutest most terrifying kid is the star, Cid, who definitely has a serious acting career ahead of him as he was amazing.

Anyway to sum this film up: lots of laughs and lots of what the f**ks!

Taken 2

So Taken 2...well it has the expected wooden dialogue to nicely ease you into the film, but luckily they get that over and done with pretty quick.  Then it all kicks off big time.  The fight scenes are awesome, but in my honest opinion were filmed dreadfully, if Guy Ritchie was only called in for a couple of them it would be epic.  The continuity was appalling, or if like me you really really don't want to pick fault with it....watch out for the amazing yellow cab who has incredible wolverineesque healing powers!! Can regenerate wing mirrors almost as quickly as Maggie Grace can put trousers on whilst running, literally blink of an eye and you'd miss it!

No point saying anymore just enjoy it for what it is. It's exactly what it says on the tin, Taken 2!! F**KING A! 

House at the end of the street

House at the end of the street....it's NOT a ghost story, but am not going to extrapolate on that.  Basically it's a story of 2 thirds and a third (doesn't have the same  ring to it as two halves does it?) the first portion is a massive slice of teenesque Beverley Hills 90210 crap.  Nevertheless it was  intriguing crap as you really want to know where it goes as in how can this possibly by classed as a film???!!! Me and my mate kept giving it another "10 minutes" before walking out, but that didn't actually happen till the credits rolled.

Perhaps Jennifer Lawrence has it in her contract that she needs to be in an appalling film, with the worst actors and even worse script so she stands out as a star, who knows.  However the sound dudes totally outshined her in this, perhaps they will be included in her contract next time.   For example, there are a couple of scenes where the screen goes completely black and the surround sound is utilised in such a way I literally jumped out of my seat and into the lap of my mate who was trying desperately to block her ears and cover her eyes at the same time.

Basically this film can be summed up in 7 words:

Nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing argh!

Lawless

This film was not what I was expecting... Yes it was a gritty gruesome tale of moonshine, bandits and gangsters, but I was expecting a 2 hour Tom Hardy moment, however this got interrupted by a surprise hottie in the form of the barely recognisable Jason Clarke.  These two definitely made the film much more easy on the eye despite the fact that some of the scenes would put Tarrintino to shame and make him look tame.

It was also interesting to see how these two, an Englishman and an Oz respectively, coped with doing a proper Southern hic accent, honestly they did amazingly, this may have been due to the fact that between them they probably only said 3 and a half words tops between all the grunts and other comical noises they made, but truly honestly they did great.... :s

What was another surprise in this film was the juxtaposition of subtle comedy and blatant realistic violence.  None of the comedy was explicit in its expression, but just the natural nuances that occur in life and conversation were picked up in the script in dam clever way, expertly delivered by the delectable Mr Hardy.  Not all the audience picked up on these and looked rather confused when others laughed.

Again there's one to watch in this film, Dane Dehaan who plays cricket, a "cripple"...think Leonardo De Caprio circa What's eating Gilbert Grape.

Go, enjoy pure acting talent, a greasy Guy Pierce, some eye candy (there's some for everyone the boobie count weren't to shabby) and a captivating non spoon fed script (go Nick Cave your not just a pretty face and a musician...well not just a musician).  Don't go if you don't like people's heads being smashed in by a spade...

The Imposter

This feature length documentary really gets you thinking, it fascinates, mind boggles and intrigues its audience.  What makes it more compelling is that it is a “true story” with members of the family involved playing there own roles.   

The authenticity is not broken by the main character being portrayed by a British actor.  It is a complete breakthrough performance by Adam O’Brian as the lead; he makes the character so believable I had to wait for the credits to check he was not the man involved as well.

The use of real film footage, interviews and recreations ensure you are captivated for the whole 99mins.  Some may say this is a pointless exploitation of the story; however the only way to enjoy this film is to go in with an empty and open mind.  Try to avoid any reviews or conversations about this film until after watching it.  If you know the “true” story already then this may disappoint.

It is a small budget indie film, that has not been commercially successful despite being nominated and winning a number of awards.  Be prepared to be confused and slightly disturbed.

The Possession

If you don’t like boxes, don’t go. If you don’t like moths, don’t go. If you don’t like bad acting, don’t go. If you don’t like films with no eye candy, don’t go. If you don’t like bad CGI, don’t go. If you don’t like films without a plot, don’t go. If you don’t like your teeth falling out, don’t go.  However if you want to see a total Jewbuster kicking some demon ass then go.

The Hunger Games

An amalgamation of multiple successes including but not limited to: Fifth Element, Equilibrium, Battle Royale, In Time and Romeo and Juliet with a twist of Charlie Brooker’s  Black Mirror – Fifteen Million Merits, thrown in for good measure.  However this is not a recipe for another success.  It should be, all the correct ingredients are there but sadly it fails.  It reminds me of paella, a hodge podge dish when done well is so tasty it always leaves you wanting more, but more often than not it goes wrong…  This film is a paella gone wrong, lots of chewy prawns (terrible lines) and stodgy rice (bad effects) with the tiny morsel of tasty chicken (stand out performances and potentially good ideas – if you forgive the blatant plagiarism).

The direction is in parts experimentally trying to synchronise shaky camera work with the emotion in the film to build tension but more often than not is substandard bordering on overworked.   It appears to be attempting shabby chic, as in looking like it hasn’t tried and it cost nothing when really it costs a lot ($100,000,000) and took ages yet still resembles a hobo, which may occasionally work in the fashion world but not in the world of wannabe blockbusters or cult classics… pick a side and stick to it!

Woody Harrelson as always never fails and delivered yet another stand out performance, closely followed by Jennifer Lawrence and Lenny Kravitz.  It just a shame the script they had to work with was so wooden and cheesy.

Perhaps I just didn’t get “it”, perhaps it had subtle nuances, layers and subtexts that were beyond me. Yes it attempts to address certain issues through metaphors blah blah blah but it tried to many things for any real meaning to stick.  The best part of this film was the trailer for the upcoming Cabin In the Woods which appears to be a cross between Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever and the Matrix… hopefully that’ll be a successful dish!

Wanderlust

Yet again another classic from Apatow, from the minute it starts until after it finishes you will be crying with laughter, well if you like Apatow films that is.  Somehow his formula never fails and yet is never samey, despite having the usual line up of actors and vulgarity in the right doses.

Reuniting two stars of Friends could have been entering risky territory but Jennifer Aniston was simply luminous as the female lead and Paul Rudd has the best soliloquy since Shakespeare, towards the end of the film (stay for the credits) you get to see that this was adlibbed amplifying what a genuine genius comic he is.

Walking out of the cinema overheard a girl say, “cannot wait for this to come out on dvd just so it can cheer me up when depressed”.  It definitely ranks up there with the best, but be warned it is not for the prudish.  Go if you like crudeness, find clapping aggressive and are prepared for your cheeks to ache.  

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel for the Elderly and Beautiful

A heart warming philosophical journey that will make you want to visit India instantly (as planning ahead is just not done, you don’t even buy green bananas).  It is an emotional rollercoaster that is set at a velocity suitable for OAP’s, expect laughter and tears, surprises and revelations.

The amazing Dev Patel manages to stand his ground and stand out amongst a cast of Oscar winning old favorites.  Think Darjeeling Limited meets Last of the Summer Wine; suitable for all ages although if under 30 expect to be the youngest one in their by 40 years or so...

Woman in Black

If you go into this film determined not to be spooked think again, it is jumpier than insidious and makes you think things are in your own home more than paranormal activity.  It is eerie and creepy for no real reason…yet there was actual screams in the cinema and certain members of the audience (mentioning no names) were hiding under their jackets…

 It is an extremely slow starter…but captivating none the less.  It also has a satisfactory if slightly predictable ending which most supernatural stories lack.  It may be excused of trying to be too clever with certain juxtapositions and contrasts of opinions and colour but ignore this and some horrendous continuity errors, just sit back and be thrilled.

 It is quite literally Harry Potter’s nightmare on acid.  Definitely a must see for those who like a good ghost tale but be prepared to spooked.  Don’t go if you don’t like dolls, monkeys or people dressed in black…

ramblings

so this year appears to be the year of obvious titles:

woman in black
we bought a zoo
man on a ledge etc

and

the year of philosophical tag lines:

If it was easy to find it wouldnt be worth finding (extremely loud and close or something else with tom hanks)

It'll all be alright in the end and if its not alright then its not the end (the best exotic marigold hotel)

Martha Marcy May Marlene

If you have seen Red State directed by the amazing Kevin Smith, and thought maybe this cult flick is indy enough to become a "cult flick" then watch Marcy Mary Macey Martha May Milly Molly Mandy Marlene and think again!  It makes Red State look in your face Hollywood.


Whilst watching it I was not sure whether it was captivating or boring, but figured I wasnt asleep so it must be captivating.  To be fair, debut feature-length direction from Sean Durkin is mesmerizing.  The sound and light were used to convey emotion, envoking unnerving inexplicable feelings.


A lady actually stopped on the way out and turned to say that was spooky wasn't it?  Almost questioning whether she should have been spooked by it.  It will definitely stir your emotions.


The lead character, Miss MMMMMMM, is played by the simply stunning, Elizabeth Olsen, the extremely underated and unrecognised younger sister of the famous Olsen twins.  By a mile she is more talented than both of them put together.  Watch just for her performance.


However, bare in mind, it also it the only film, EVER (that I have been to see anyway), that at the end the entire audience simultanously went WHAT?  Despite this it was a satisfying ending, no other would have fit.  Be prepared to deliberate with your fellow viewers how to interprete  the ending.

The Darkest Hour

Usually a 3D film is a big turn off, (I.e Avatar = pitiful excuse for a “film”) however, The Darkest Hour is 3D at its very best, it is edge of seat thrills from beginning to end.  It is  an education… it will teach you to resist the innate human temptation to poke things and embrace running and hiding instead. It explores the most exciting box of Johari’s window, the unknown self, demonstrating that none of us know exactly how we are going to react to new experiences and whether we’d like our own reactions.

The setting makes for compelling viewing, Moscow city centre and clearly every daytime scene was filmed at about 5am so it is an amazing insight into what the city is like, the architecture is beautiful, so despite it being a harrowing disaster movie where everyone dies left right and centre I think it will do wonders for Russia’s tourist industry.

The transnational aspect is apparent in the juxtaposition of the setting and the characters.  The lead characters are Americans being unbelievably “American”.  The single minded patriotism and loyalty to their country that stereotypical Americans have is emphasised to the max, total belief that their countryman will help them, makes a good bit of tongue in cheek cheese.

It also has the best piece of advice you will ever hear “try to keep your freak out on the inside”. Love it!

Basically think 28 days later without the amazing Boyle direction to make it a cult classic and more effects to make it a Hollywood blockbuster.

MUST SEE!! (if you like that kinda thing)

Ghost Protocol

Appalling continuity, cheesy lines and an air of tongue in cheek make this Mission Impossible the best yet.

Tom Cruise was almost likeable (he even acknowledges how he cheesy is – a little self degradation goes a long way) in his self produced film full of even crazier stunts. WARNING if you suffer from vertigo do NOT go see this film or be prepared to feel extremely sick, at one point half of the audience couldn't even watch (when I say half I mean me).

At one point my little brother actually turned to me and said there are so many errors in this film its so bad, so obviously I asked if he want to leave and in response he said “No I am loving it”.

So if you go see this don’t expect a masterpiece in filmography or an education into culture, just take it for what it is, a good ol’ Hollywood action movie. Oh if you love spotting mistakes, continuity errors and generally criticising the hell out of a film then this is a must watch.